Equality of Anger

And I admit, I've been angry too. I'm outraged by the arrogant religious sanctimoniousness of churches shielding pedophiles. I get impatient waiting on the telephone talking to yet another "menu of options," righteously indignant when crazed drivers swerve across three lanes of traffic to gain one car length, and aggravated by political gridlock and smarmy politicians. I'm easily ired[sic] when receptionists in offices or hosts in restaurants sigh loudly at my innocent request that they actually do their jobs and call the person I'm meeting or find me a table at which to eat. I'm generally not a grumpy person, but sometimes it feels that every other person is either smug, arrogant, infuriating, incompetent, or politically inane--sometimes all of the above.

These words, from the introduction of Angry White Men: American Masculinity at the End of an Era, told me right away that author Michael Kimmel "gets it." I'm not the only one who gets depressed looking at the smug, angry faces everywhere. Who gets frustrated dealing with the idiot teenager manning the cash register. Or the arrogant twenty something who is far too good to, as Kimmel says, "actually do their jobs." Of course, I also remember what it was like to be a self-conscious teenager with limited experience, no confidence, or anything like training, making minimum wage at one of those lousy jobs and having to deal with angry customers. We are angry coming and going, circumstances around the board are awful and intolerable. But tolerate we must, so once again into the breach of necessity we throw ourselves. Giving up is not an option lest starvation and homelessness be your goal. So the only response is impotent rage at the situation of daily life.

And I am one of the white men Kimmel describes as adjusting well to the new era dawning. I am perfectly okay with and accept that my wife makes more money than I do and is much more successful. I willingly do my share of housework and raising our daughter, I do not feel entitled to much of anything. Kimmel stresses in his book that Americans have every right to be angry, but white men in particular have got causation and correlation all sorts of mixed up. Not all of them for sure, but enough men suffer from what Kimmel calls "aggrieved entitlement" to make pretty much everyone in this country rather miserable.

It feels appropriate to begin this analysis on Memorial Day since this is a day we set aside to honor a very small population of Americans who sacrificed some or all of their right to pursue life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. What they sacrificed it for is getting increasingly ambiguous but their service is absolutely not in doubt. These veterans earned their honor and should feel a sense of entitlement for what they actually did. Kimmel, however, focuses on the entitlement white men feel as inherent in their simply being born, that they take for granted. And that white men lash out in anger and rage when they feel someone else is getting their piece of the pie. Complicating matters is that these men almost always worked hard and sacrificed in some way to get where they are and whatever it is they feel they are losing, be it family, prosperity, recognition, honor, or the simple feeling of "being a man."

An important point is that Kimmel, in this book and other work, is not constructing a screed, diatribe, or jeremiad against white men, despite what it may sound like. Kimmel's book is explanatory and understanding, sympathetic but not apologizing, and not judgmental. What Angry White Men is, is a call to the men who see women, or minorities, or immigrants, or institutions felt to be privileging these groups over men; to let it go. Kimmel repeatedly asserts throughout the text that  white men who accept multiculturalism and social equality are happier and healthier than those who do not. We are entitled to dignity and justice but not privilege. We are entitled to a responsive government, to jobs that do not disappear at the whim of other white men, and the same for pensions, health care, security, and all other human rights. We are not entitled to access to women's bodies, to positions of power, or any other privilege.