It Comes Down to Apple Pie

I'm sure that the debate about the mother in law, daughter in law relationships will go on forever and ever. I'm sure that there are psychological explanations and excuses, and  reasons and whatever applies to individuals.  For me, it comes down to apple pie.  I'll get to that a little later..

Now, I have nothing against my mother in law.  In fact I'm really kind of a fan of hers.  She's a great person, and might even be a saint as far as I'm concerned.  She is crafty, likes to bake, is involved in social causes through her church and most importantly  She raised four boys, one of whom is my husband (obviously.)  Now, these four guys are great also, but they do have a tendency toward being headstrong, sometimes temper-mental, and always practical jokers.  They like to laugh, its great, but I can only imagine them as boys.  I have two boys and my patience is tried daily.  She had four, and they are all still alive and thriving! This is where the sainthood comes in.  I hope that my boys will still love me as much as these four guys love their mom. 

So, she's my mother in law, and she's great and I love her.  She's not the monster in law that some of my girlfriends have.  I really have won the lottery with her, couldn't ask for better in laws.  But I hate being compared to her.  I'm not sure why, she is after all a great person, but I'm not her.  Being the individual that I am I think I don't really want to be compared to anyone, but it really irks me when I get compared to my mother in law.  I finally figured out why,  

Its all about the apple pie.

I'm a cook, I was a professional cook for many years, and its a safe bet that I won my husband over with my cooking. It was my home made spaghetti that did it.  Then there were my cakes, my home baked breads, my cookies and any number of other things that came out of my kitchen.   He was hooked.  In fact when I met my then future mother in law, she was impressed that her son put on some weight, because he had always been too thin and I was taking good care of him. It seamed that I had gotten he approval when none of my hubbies previously girlfriends had.  It seamed that I had won.

We got married not long after that, basking in the newlywed bliss.  Then came my apple pie.  I make a mean apple pie, blue ribbon award winning apple pie according to many of my friends and family members. A pie that was entirely my own creation, my own recipe that took a little bit of trial and error to master, but the final product was heaven in your mouth apple pie.  I made this apple pie for my husband, and you know what response I got from him? He said, "its good, but its not my moms apple pie" :-/  If I had made it for him before we were married and gotten that response, I might not have married him.  I mean, this apple pie is my baby, I labored over it, I perfected it, I created it and I'm not sure there was anything in the world that I had been more proud of than that recipe.  People have begged me for my recipe for crying out loud! But it wasn't his mothers apple pie.  All of a sudden, I didn't measure up and the comparisons began.

This past year I have heard a few more that are absolutely ridiculous. I let our 6 year old son get a mow-hawk, and we sprayed it green for his first day of school.  My husband says. "I cant believe you let him get a mow-hawk" I ask, "why not?" hubby responds, "my mom never let me get a mow-hawk,"My response to that "in what way am I like your mother?!" spiraled into ridiculousness really quick. There is nothing wrong with my mother in law, like I said before, she nearly a saint and its okay to be like her.  It's just that damn apple pie!  I should have looked at it like the compliment that it was.  It turns out it was meant as more of a "hey, I think its great that you let our son express himself in such a way that my mother never allowed me too." if that's what would have been said, it never would have spiraled out of control, but alas, my old inadequacies came popping forward because of that damn apple pie that I immediately had to "defend" myself from something that need not be defended.

Just tonight there was another instance, which has prompted this post.  My brother in law was over for dinner and we were digging into the Christmas cookies that I had baked yesterday and my husband was reminiscing about how mom never let them get into the cookies before Christmas.. Again I said "in what way am I like your mom?!" again, a misinterpretation of my husbands meaning, and I'm pretty sure I offended my brother in law, because he asked me "why is that a bad thing" to which I had to respond, "it's not, I love your mom, I think she's great I just don't like being compared to anyone" but it was after reflecting for an hour that I realized that it all goes back to that stupid pie comment from 7ish years ago. 

I think I have solved the mother-in-law conundrum... Guys, girls, if you are lucky enough to be married to an awesome cook, please don't ever compare recipes. I don't care if your mother makes the "best damn apple pie"! Your spouse now make the best damn apple pie! Lie if you have to to save yourself the hassle, learn from my husbands mistake and NEVER EVER EVER compare your mothers cooking to your spouses. I have a feeling that this is how the "in-law" myth began hundreds of years ago..... And probably the original mother-in-law was as awesome as mine is, and was just another victim of the miss-communicated kitchen...