Rape is not a Blessing

I am so fed up with so many people right now talking about a woman's health in the context of Rape.
I'm not only upset about the "leaders" and "legislators" that have been having Gaffs.  Those guys are freaking nuts and have no idea what they are talking about and the fact that anyone gives them a second chance just lets you know how bad things are.  But the fact of the matter is that they aren't the only ones making it hard on the victims of rape.
I can go on Facebook at any given time and find posts that are drawing attention to these idiots, but for the most part they are jokes.  RAPE IS SERIOUS!!!!  It is painful, it is heartbreaking, it is life changing and not usually in a good way.  And if someone tells your that their rape was a blessing from God then they are delusional.  I have heard that argument in the past, the douchbag in Indiana is not the first to throw that argument around, in fact I have had that argument thrown at me.
I was sexually abused. It wasn't fun. It wasn't a blessing. I didn't get pregnant so I guess I must have "shut that whole thing down" in the words of that douchbag in Missouri.  Small favors I guess. It was definitely life changing, but not in a good way.  I went into a downward spiral that almost killed me and I count myself lucky to have survived it. in no way, shape or form was it a blessing.  I am still traumatized by it 15 years later. When I walk down the street I don't see friendly strangers that I haven't met yet, I see potential attackers.  I rarely go anywhere alone any more, which is something that I used to do all the time to clear my head. And very rarely do I meet people that I immediately trust, if you are one of the few people that I have welcomed into my rather small circle, then you must be someone incredibly special, because I don't let people in, and I don't open up.  And to many of you in this small circle, this whole post might be news to you, because I don't talk about it.  Even typing this, I am crying and halfway through, I'm questioning whether I should even post this.  I guess if your reading it then I did.
I didn't come forward when it first happened, because I didn't think anyone would believe me. I tried to drown away the pain with drugs and alcohol, and eventually I did block it out.  Only to have my world come crashing down around me when I sobered up.  I saw the most random thing and everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, came back to me. I tried to talk about it then, and sure enough I was met by disbelief.  The person that did this to me was a "friend," a "nice guy," "he would never do that" and on and on. I'm still not sure that anyone believed me.  It breaks my heart to think that my family and close friends were disbelieving of me.  Many of those friendships that I cherished are lost or broken and will never be repaired.  I know that some of these people didn't believe me because again, in the wonderful world of Facebook, I get to see it when MY friends comment on HIS posts.  He's free, he was never brought to justice, he didn't lose anything, not even our mutual friends.  It was easier for them to believe that I was a liar than it was to believe that he could be a monster.  I didn't only lose myself that day, I lost everything and everyone that mattered to me.  My relationships with my family were also damaged, though they are for the most part repaired at this point, I know that I still have trust issues because of the reactions that I got when I first spoke up.  I hold back when I shouldn't hold back, I don't share everything that I should share, I don't do so many things that used to be so easy for me to do.  I fear things and people that I shouldn't fear.
ITS NOT FAIR!!!
Its not fair that I have to go through this battle on a daily basis.  Its not fair that I have to live with the fact that I'm not believed.  Its not fair that the guy that did this to me can walk free and pretend that nothing ever happened.  Its not fair that people can walk around spouting of about rape when they have NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT!!! Its not fair that I have to see it trivialized in Facebook and Twitter memes.
I wish that I was in a place where I could get over it, but I'm not. Obviously. There are no blessings in rape, not one.  I can say without a doubt that if I had gotten pregnant from it, it wouldn't have been a blessing, it would have been a death sentence and I wouldn't have survived it.  I barely survived it as it is.